For many, gratitude comes easily this week. For others, this season stirs up complicated memories — and both experiences are real. Some hurts are small and fade quickly; others shape us in profound ways. Even those deeper wounds can reveal surprising gifts when we’re ready to look at them.
What Research Tells Us
Much has been written about the uplifting effects of gratitude, making lists, counting our blessings, and some research shows that gratitude practices can reduce depression. When compared to neutral writing (journaling), the effect was small, but significant. So, it may help, especially in times of confusion and uncertainty, times like these.
Reframing Changes Everything
A technique I learned when I read The Goddess Within by Jungian psychologist Roger Woolger helped me discover gratitude even in difficult chapters of my life. Instead of asking why something painful happened, I ask what it taught me. Even one of my most challenging childhood experiences eventually revealed several unexpected gifts.
Finding the Gifts in a Deep Wound
The trick is to reframe. What could be the possible gift of dissociation as the result of abuse perpetrated by a trusted caregiver?
I can count at least five:
1) The dissociation opened a channel, giving me access to realms of non-ordinary consciousness.
2) It set me on a journey to seek that state of oneness, beyond mood and story, through daily spiritual practice. Having a daily practice helped me manage those liminal or transcendent moments, so they didn’t control me, numbing me out when I needed to stay present.
3) Gifts #1 and #2 de-pathologized the dissociative state for myself and others, as we came to see what it offered us.
4) As a fiction writer, it helped me mine the psychological antecedents of my character’s behavior, so that I could see even unacceptable behavior as a coping mechanism for unresolved trauma in their lives.
5) This understanding led to compassion and finally forgiveness, both for me and for others.
Gratitude in the Everyday
Five gifts! That’s a lot to receive from great harm. Wow, if I can find gratitude there, then surely I can find gratitude in simple everyday joys: sunrise on the water, children’s laughter, beloved music, good food, and the company of people who make life richer.
Writing a gratitude list tonight suddenly feels much more inviting. How about you?
Love, Amy
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